I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.