You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.