You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.