You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

Nowadays you can't even spank your kids. No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day... to whip our ass.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck