You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.