You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.