You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.