In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.