I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.

If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear "Freebird" live.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.