I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would say, "Foxworthy, you ain't nothing but a redneck from Georgia!" It kind of became a formula joke.

People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

I'll just have itchy, watery eyes!