You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.

You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.