You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication