You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.

You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.