You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.