You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.