You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.