You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.