You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign!

You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.