That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!