That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.