You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.