You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.