You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.