You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love dolls clothes

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?