You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.