As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.