You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.