You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.