I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck