If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.