If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.