If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.