When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?

You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.