When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.

To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity