If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.