You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.