You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.