You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.