Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.