Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.