Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.