You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.