You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.