You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.