You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.