You teach someone about fallopian tubes in grade school, and you revisit it again in seventh grade for a better understanding of that stuff. I think it's never-ending. I don't know why it isn't all the time.

I don't know. Maybe [sex-ed] is my new calling?

[Twitter] certainly doesn't hurt me. I'm not in any pain over any of the things I see. I'm just more disappointed.

My mother was like, "What did they teach you?", and I had never talked about that [sex-ed] so I freaked out.

[Congress] can just make [Mitt] Romney president. And we'd be like, "All right, fine."

If I could make crazy money just doing stand-up, that's what I would do.

Whatever my life looks like, I want it to be real and big and full. I want when, if I get hit by a car, I want to know that I have deep and real friendships, people to visit me in the hospital.