I find it actually the height of romance to legally bind yourself to someone because you're really taking care of someone, and letting them take care of you. I actually have no cynicism about that.

[Congress] can just make [Mitt] Romney president. And we'd be like, "All right, fine."

I don't even think people really understand how you can get pregnant or when you get pregnant. I still have questions about that.

If I could make crazy money just doing stand-up, that's what I would do.

I try to minimize the noise, and I don't use Facebook except for my fan page, and I don't look at anything. It's getting a lot easier.

I don't like to joke about dating.

I don't have anything to do all year. I'm not on tour until September.