No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.

You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.

We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.

Hollywood movies are designed for 15-year-old youths from North Dakota who, intellectually speaking, are on equal terms with a British zoo animal.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.

There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.