The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t

If you're thinking of coming to America, this is what it's like: you've got your Comfort Inn, you've got your Best Western, and you've got your Red Lobster where you eat. Everybody's very fat, everybody's very stupid and everybody's very rude - it's not a holiday programme, it's the truth.

I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'

Selling through the internet seems to be a very good idea. There are a million areas that we can go to.