It’s what non-car people don’t get. They see all cars as just a ton and a half, two tons of wires, glass, metal, and rubber, and that’s all they see. People like you or I know we have an unshakable belief that cars are living entities… You can develop a relationship with a car and that’s what non-car people don’t get… When something has foibles and won’t handle properly, that gives it a particularly human quality because it makes mistakes, and that’s how you can build a relationship with a car that other people won’t get.

Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

It was as relaxing as being tickled.

When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t