Biathletes need to eat 6.000 calories a day: six thousand! That's the equivalent of 2 pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 TWIX bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.

There are shantytowns in South Africa that are built better than Renaults!

We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an extraordinary rise in violent crime is to order more speed cameras.

It's just thinking of funny things that will amuse us and entertain us and we'll come and do it.

If we build three million new houses by 2020, where will we grow all the stuff needed to feed the people who live in them?

You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!