Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.

Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.

It’s what non-car people don’t get. They see all cars as just a ton and a half, two tons of wires, glass, metal, and rubber, and that’s all they see. People like you or I know we have an unshakable belief that cars are living entities… You can develop a relationship with a car and that’s what non-car people don’t get… When something has foibles and won’t handle properly, that gives it a particularly human quality because it makes mistakes, and that’s how you can build a relationship with a car that other people won’t get.

Why is the forecast so bland? Why instead of 'stormy' don't they just say the sea's 'a frothing maelstrom of terror and hopelessness'?

Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day.

I'm having a nice cold pint and waiting for this to blow over.

If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.