Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.

Selling through the internet seems to be a very good idea. There are a million areas that we can go to.

It was as relaxing as being tickled.

If you're thinking of coming to America, this is what it's like: you've got your Comfort Inn, you've got your Best Western, and you've got your Red Lobster where you eat. Everybody's very fat, everybody's very stupid and everybody's very rude - it's not a holiday programme, it's the truth.

When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.

Governments would rather spend their money on another bomber than education, and why do we fear black men when every bit of suffering in our lives has a Caucasian face attached to it?

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he’s called the Stig.