I like to take advantage of the simple-minded because I can.

The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is.

I'll hit you so hard you'll starve to death rolling!

I got this bad allergy - I'm allergic to bullshit.

He's so big he makes a beeping noise when he walks backwords.

I heard last year at [insert name]'s birthday party they had to set up mirrors to make it look like a crowd.

Eventually, even a blind squirell will find an acorn.