I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.

It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.

When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.