I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.

I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

Say what you want about the deaf.