The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.