The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

I don't see myself as offending people.

The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.