Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.

I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.