Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

Say what you want about the deaf.

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.