I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.

It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.