I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.