There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol

More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.