British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol

When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!