British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.