I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.

If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.