I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself.