I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.

Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot.

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.