I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.

I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.