I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.