When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.