When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off!

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it.

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

I don't see myself as offending people.

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.