A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.