How many airports are there in the world?

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

I don't see myself as offending people.

I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it.

Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.