My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.